Over my 51 years of life, I have held firmly to one belief: every person is unique. Our greatest responsibility is not to imitate others but to become the very best version of ourselves. That requires something many people never intentionally do—define yourself before others define you.
Defining yourself is a deeply personal process. It requires knowing what you stand for, what you will never compromise on, and how you wish to be remembered. If you fail to define yourself, society will gladly do it for you. Labels will be attached to your name—not because they are true, but because they serve someone else’s interests.
One principle I have deliberately adopted is to address issues, not personalities. I have never been comfortable with ad hominem attacks. If there is a policy to criticize, I criticize the policy. If there is an idea to support, I support the idea. Personal attacks rarely solve problems; they merely distract from the real discussion.
This is particularly relevant in today’s political environment. Kenya has become preoccupied with slogans such as “Wantam” and “Tutam.” Increasingly, people want to force others into an either-or situation, as though every issue must be viewed through a political lens. I have always resisted that pressure.
Every issue deserves to be examined on its own merit.
That philosophy is one of the reasons I have deliberately chosen not to subscribe to any political party. This is not because political parties are inherently bad. They are an essential part of democracy. Rather, I prefer to preserve my independence so that my views are judged by the strength of my arguments rather than by the colour of a party jersey.
Too often, when people cannot counter your argument, they avoid the issue altogether and instead attempt to discredit you by assigning you a political label. Once branded, everything you say is interpreted through that label instead of being evaluated on its own merit. I have always sought to avoid that trap.
This is particularly important for artists, musicians and other public figures. Their greatest asset is their identity. During election seasons, many inadvertently become associated with particular political camps. Once that happens, audiences may reject their work—not because the music is poor, but because they have attached the artist to a political identity. Great art should transcend politics. Let your talent define you, not a political party.
The same philosophy guides my communication.
I have never wanted another person or institution to tell my story. I maintain my own communication channels. I write on my own social media platforms. I maintain my own website and blog. I speak in my own voice.
Young people should learn this lesson early:
Never allow someone else to become the permanent narrator of your life. Tell your own story.
I also strive to be consistent.
If you were to stop a random person on the street and ask, “What would Kigondu say about this issue?” I would hope they already have a fairly accurate answer—not because we always agree, but because my principles are predictable. Consistency builds credibility. People should know where you stand, even when they disagree with you.
Being your own man means establishing clear boundaries and communicating them openly.
Some of the principles that guide my life are simple:
• Family comes first.
• Put all your cards on the table.
• If you disagree with me, tell me honestly. If I disagree with you, I will tell you respectfully and directly.
• Human rights violations are never acceptable.
• I detest unfairness and injustice.
• I choose not to cultivate enemies. We may disagree strongly, but disagreement should never require hatred.
These principles are not imposed upon me by anyone else. They are my compass. They guide my decisions when situations become difficult.
Too many people are carried whichever way the wind happens to be blowing. Public opinion changes. Political tides shift. Social media trends come and go. If your identity depends on these external forces, you will spend your life drifting instead of leading.
My advice to young people is simple:
Build your character before you build your career.
Work hard.
Think independently.
Define yourself before others define you.
Choose your principles carefully, then live by them consistently.
Surround yourself with people who challenge you, sharpen you and build you rather than those who merely tell you what you want to hear.
In the end, titles fade, trends disappear and politics changes. What remains is your character.
Be your own man. The world has enough copies. It needs more originals
Dr Simon Kigondu is a husband, dad, gynaecologist